The Misadventures of Mello and Matt, Crack Fic
by RinRinRin
Summary: A Mello and Matt based crackfic with just absoulute stupidity and a slight plotline. There are hints of melloxmatt and lightxl pairing but nothing serious. The stupidity has no bounds with this one. The summary sucks here.
1. Chapter 1

**Both: We are in a Crack Note mood for whatever reason that is non-apparent…**

**Marks: So therefores we shalls write some. **

**Scars: Pshyeah!**

**Marks: Yay-ith.**

**Scars: DISCLAIMER! WE ALMOST FORGOT THE DISCLAIMER!!!!!**

**Marks: Oh, yeah… Um… We don't own Death Note or anything Associated with it. Yay?**

**Scars: Not yay. More like 'sigh'.**

**So therefores we get on with it… Now.**

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!! CAEDA!!!!!!!" Matt collapsed falling off his bed with a thud then letting out a quiet. "Nuuuuu…"

"…" Mello leaned over the side of his bed to see Matt banging his head into the ground…

WTF? Okay… yeah, I realize it's more than just a game but really?

"Um, Caeda…?" He asked.

Matt looked up with a duh look. "Princess chick who kills things and rides a Pegasus…" He replied a matter-of-factly.

Mello made an absolutely disturbed look. "UNISEX!!!!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!!!"

As he shrieked he fell off the bed in an attempt to run in horror but fell on Matt in a rather compromising position.

"Hey there…" Matt replied awkwardly, blushing.

Mello stared at him as a thousand fantasies ran through his mind. Fun.

"Matt, Mello!" Linda burst through the door on a scene that would make Fangirls rave, causing her to have a terrible nose bleed all over her dress. "Um, should I leave?"

"No it's not…"

"You see… ummm…"

"Fell and…"

"Caeda…"

"…Unisex." Mello finished with a shiver.

"…" Linda needed to go do a multitude of things to clear her mind because of their explanation of which they left blanks open causing terrible imagery that she kinda liked making her slightly more revolted.

"Um, so why are you here…?" Matt tried to change the subject.

"Um, you guys got any duct tape?"

"…"

"Why do you need it…?"

"That's confidential."

"…"

---

"Light, come on. " L walked towards the front door to Whammy's.

"L… Is it necessary I meet these _children_…?" Light asked angrily, he really wanted to be home happily writing away in the death note.

"Misa-Misa wants to see the orphans~!" Misa bounced happily, implying that she had far too much sugar.

"Yes it is, now hurry up." The detective droned apathetically waving him in as he opened the door.

Light walked in mumbling with Misa prancing behind her… "They're far too happy this must be stopped, soon… My precious, soon… Soon we will kill them all!" He whispered in a voice that sounded a lot like Golem as he stroked his black note book and held it possessively.

"Light…?"

"Oh, it's nothing" he relied putting away the book quickly.

_Up 50 percent…_ L thought as he guided the two inside.

"…they're most impressive intellectuals, and most have a fair chance at succeeding me one day soon if I am to fall-" L guided them into the main room where sadly he walked in on the worst possible scenario.

"…" Misa, L, and Light stood speechless as they watched.

---

Many of Whammy's brightest hung off the chandelier as others threw strange items.

One boy streaked across the scene as innocent passersby had nosebleeds and shielded their eyes, some scared for life others needing to visit the bathroom for strange unspoken reasons.

Near tried desperately to scrub off a matching sharpie mustache and unibrow… obviously drawn on by Mello and Matt.

BOOM!

A small explosion made the TV shatter everywhere hitting Roger as he pursued a young boy who ran off during his lecture on how it's necessary to flush the toilet.

"GAH!!! My back!" Roger yelled as he fell over then began to rock back and forth yelling. "Help I've fallen and I can't get up!"

"That was awesome." Mello observed the results of their minor explosion.

"Most definitely, Mells." Matt, replied high-fiving him at their latest success.

"Let's blow up something else!"

"But what…?" He replied pondering the subject only to be interrupted…

"BUTT WHAT! WHAT UP IN THE BUTT?" Some strange child danced by singing repeatedly.

"That's what Mello said." Matt replied laughing a little.

Mello face palmed and slugged Matt in the gut and then tripped over the singing kid before stalking away only to be stopped by Roger who grabbed him by the ankle.

"MELLO!!!!!!! WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!" He bellowed angrily from the floor.

Mello wrenched his leg away. "AW, VOLDEMORTS NIPPLE!!!! MATT!!!!!! WE GOTTA RUN!!!!!"

"LoL WiZaRd SwEaRs! TeE hEe!" The crazy Harry Potter obsessed kid jumped up and down.

---

"Ummmm…" L said without explanation for the chaos.

"Your orphans are very… er, interesting." Light mused as he watched.

"THEY'RE SO UBER KAWAII!!!!!" Misa jumped up and down making Light's headache grow worse.

"We should've booked a hotel, maybe…"

"Is it too late to leave…?"

Before the detective could answer a retreating Matt and Mello caught sight of them.

"HEY, LOOK EVERYBODY!!!!! IT'S L!!!!!!" They yelled before glomping their hero affectionately. Suddenly a wave of orphans crashed down swarming L making all attempts of escape futile.

"AHHHHH!!" He yelled startled.

"It's not, is it…?" Light said with a sigh.

"MSA-MISA LIKES THIS PLACE ALREADY!!!" Misa screeched.

Ugh.

* * *

**Marks: Lolz, R&R.**

**Scars: Add and subscribe!**

**Both: We promise to update soon! :DDDD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Scars: Yay! Chapter 2! ^.^**

**Marks: We still don't own Death Note or anything associated with it.**

**Scars: (Sigh)**

**Marks: Oh well.**

**Both: Now for more crack note!!!! :DDDD**

**Both: The Mis-Adventures of Mello and Matt!**

**Scars: Pshyeah!**

**Marks: Yay-ith!**

* * *

L arrived with _the visitors_; Light Yagami and Misa Amane, as he soon explained to all the orphans. The man, whom Mello and Matt deemed an _Edward Cullen Level Creeper_, Light, looked like he'd walked right out of either Banana Republic or some sort of prep shop. It was quite terrifying, and Misa… well… after seeing the way Misa dressed someone was reconsidering _his_ attire during the pursuit of love.

Mello and Matt endured an extremely long lecture afterwards from Roger and ended up with cleaning duty in downstairs bathroom, a task that took much courage and strength.

Both of which, right now, the two lacked.

"Come ON, Matt! Let's freaking gets this over with!" Mello shouted angrily as he attempted to drag Matt down the stairs to the basement.

It was the old section where the original Whammy residents stayed. There were legends about that bathroom, as well as the rest of the section; terrifying, terrible stories... That neither of them honestly remembered but it was still in affect, know?

"No fucking way, Mells!" Matt clung desperately to the doorframe.

"Ugh." Mello let go and glared at him. This was infuriating. He'd spent at least an hour trying to get Matt in there, let alone get it cleaned so they could leave the place.

"Matt, it's the fucking basement… Why are you being such a goddamned pussy???" He yelled steaming with anger.

"BUT THERE ARTE EMO EMU'S DOWN THERE, MELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Matt wailed.

"EMO EMUS????????!" Mello's eyes went wide. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

He ran up past Matt and into a corner in which he rock back and forth in fetal position muttering, "Emo emus… emo, emo emus… emus~"

Matt blinked. _Maybe I went too far… Oh well._

"So do we still have to go down there?"

"Yup." Mello said as he grabbed Matt and dragged him down the stairs before he could react.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I CAN'T SEE!!!!!! Mello~!? Where are you?"

"Right here, dipshit."

"You asshole."

"Ow! That's my arm!!!"

"Oh, I thought it was your shin. Good enough."

"…!!!"

"WHAT AM I TOUCHING?"

"Uhhhhh… ummm… ahhh… Matt…"

"AHHHHHHHH!!! Omigod! I'm like so sorry!"

"…"

"Awkward."

"Don't you have a lighter or something…?"

"Yeah…"

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU PULL THAT OUT?!?!"

"AHHHHHH!!! DON'T KILL ME!!!"

Matt pulled out his lighter and lit it up to find himself face to face with Mello. They were both blushing madly due to the incident only seconds ago.

"So which way to the bathroom?" Matt asked.

"The first door." Mello replied. "Or so Roger said…"

"Ah."

The two slowly found their way into the bathroom, only to figure out how awkward this was that they were in the bathroom… together.

---

After a day of annoyances and obnoxiousness, Light settled into the guest bed in L's room with Misa. Misa had been shooed out because the two were working on 'Kira case Business' and all Light could think about was getting into the detective's pants in order to avoid having to jerk off while starring at a picture of him while Misa wasn't looking to get rid of the urge.

The poor guy. L, I mean, he was being pursued by such a freak.

---

After finally getting the mustache off his face, Near, everyone's favorite sheepish someone, headed in the direction of Mello and Matt's room. He wanted vengeance, and he meant business.

He took the load of dresses he'd borrowed from Linda and her room mate and walked inside. After removing all of Mello's leather and Matt's striped shirts he replaced them with frilly dresses and all the matching accessories.

All that was left to do was sit back and watch as his plan, _succeeded_. The sheep snuck off to his room to play with legos, mentally congratulating himself. He really was the best.

* * *

**Marks: We're lazy mofo so we're gonna end it like that.**

**Scars: R&R! Fav us if you hadn't already.**

**Both: Next Chapter will come soon-ith!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Marks: We iz be finally continuing!  
Scars: Yay!  
Both: And we aren't sorry it's been so long! :P :P**

The Mis-Adventures of Mello and Matt  
Chapter 3

Mello and Matt finally swang open the door of the basement bathroom collapsing on the floor covered with random dirt, substances of which even they could not name and who knows what else.

"We survived!" Matt exclaimed tiredly throwing his arms in the air accidently hitting Mello in the face.

"Ow, jerkass!" Mello kicked him from where he lay panting from fatigue.

They both groaned pulling themselves their feet, and walked to the stairs back to the first floor stumbling over each other as the lighter gave very little to see with.

Mello tugged on the door knob angrily, it wouldn't open, just what they needed.

"Shit…"

"You locked the door behind you by accident…?"

"Yeah… You mad?"

"Oh, no. Not at all. OF COURSE NOT!"

Matt took off down the stairs. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"Get back here so I can beat your head into the stairs!" He yelled chasing after him.

When Mello finally tackled Matt to floor, Matt struggling and whining, a chilling laugh came from above as Mello was about to bloody Matt's nose. The two froze as they recalled what they'd heard about this place…

"Hello, boys." Beyond Birthday stood above them eating jam from a dusty jar.

---

"Near?" Linda poked the albino child repetitively, though he continued to idly curl a lock of sheep like hair as he stared at his blocks wondering what to build next.

"What is it, Linda?" He asked apathetically not taking his eyes off the blocks that would soon become the Eiffel Tower.

"Where are Mello and Matt…? It's been a day since I last saw them…" She asked worried.

"When did you last see them?"

"Er, well… they were…"

Near looked up at her with panda like eyes that resembled L's. "…They were?"

"Never mind~." She replied covering her nose to shield an oncoming nosebleed and quickly trotted back to her easel.

"M'kay…"

---

Roger had been finally back on his feet again, now in a sling with a broken arm but still limping through the halls with his cane.

Roger made his way to L's old room, in which the detective was bunking with Light, Misa taking B's old room. He rapped the door with his cane. "Ryuzaki! I need to speak with you!"

There were numerous bangs, clatters, whispers, a moan and finally L stumbled out still pulling on his trademark white shirt.

"Yes?"

Roger blinked. "Is this a bad time…?"

"No, not at all." He replied glancing back in the room then stepping out shutting the door behind him.

"I wanted to apologize for the orphans' behavior today as it was unacceptable and…"

"Don't worry about it, Roger." L glanced back at the door. "If you don't mind I must be going because… because, candy. Yes, candy." He stumbled back in the room with a wave to Roger.

As Roger walked down the corridor he could've sworn the moans started again. He didn't wanna know.

---

"So what might you two be doing down here? Nefarious intentions, no doubt." BB looked down at them a devious smile spread across his face, he was terrifying but awesome, they couldn't read him.

"Er, um… No…" They replied trailing off.

"Indeed."

Suddenly the door to the first floor slammed open, light flicked down as the freakish Harry Potter obsessed kid stood at the top.

"LiKe, WhO aRe YoU tAlKiNg To????" He asked bouncing up and down obviously hyped up on too many of those novelty Bert N Bott's Every Flavored Beans, or at least that's what they thought they were called, the Harry potter kid would know.

"We were just talking to…" Mello turned to look back up at where they saw him but he was gone, vanished into thin air.

"Woah…"

______________________________________________________________________________  
**Both: Cliff-hanger! R&R!**


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